


Careful what you wish for

by lantia4ever



Category: Avengers (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Humor, M/M, Prank War, Prompt Fill, The Avengers are Not Amused, Tumblr: imaginetonyandbucky, eventually, mild swearing, winteriron has tons of fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-23 00:21:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11391459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lantia4ever/pseuds/lantia4ever
Summary: Prompt by Anonymous: Imagine Tony and Bucky not getting along which results in them getting into a prank war. The other avengers complain so naturally they team up together to get everyone else and it is the best thing. I mean the worst thing for everyone else, but still the best thing.________________________________________________________________Bucky and Tony go from blissfully ignoring one another to declaring a full-blown prank war against each other, turning the Tower into a metaphorical minefield. Or not so metaphorical. And more often than not, the Avengers end up in the cross-fire.And then there's Steve, who only wants his two friends to get along.





	Careful what you wish for

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! Had my fill of angst lately, so how about some fun for a change? ^^ Hope you'll like it <3
> 
> Written for a prompt submitted to the amazing tumblr winteriron source: imaginetonyandbucky.

Steve knew the atmosphere in the Tower would be tense. The so called superhero civil war left them in a certain state of disarray for the longest time, but three Earth-threatening incidents later, the team was back together trying to overcome the past in order to face the future. And for the most part, it’s been working. If he was concerned about anything in particular, it was Bucky and most importantly how Tony would take his now quite permanent presence.

However much they had worked through the programming, Bucky still behaved like the Winter Soldier at times and some of the Avengers were less than impressed by the fact. Especially Natasha, who would whip out a knife out of nowhere whenever she spotted his behavior shifting towards the darker side.

To Steve’s outmost surprise, Tony didn’t overreact. In fact, he just didn’t react at all at first. With a nonchalant shrug he one day presented Bucky with a new arm, said something along the lines of “We’re cool, it was HYDRA” but then proceeded to ignore Bucky at every opportunity. And when their paths inevitably crossed, sparks started flying - and not the good kind of sparks.

No actual fight happened…yet, but Steve fears the day when one takes an argument just a bit too far and the other starts throwing furniture – or worse, weapons – instead of swear words. The situation just couldn’t get any worse.        

Or so he thought.

Because then one morning, few weeks after they all moved in, Bucky shuffled to the toaster to prepare his usual breakfast – he put two slices of bread in and waited for the standard one minute and a half that it took to get the perfect golden sear, looming very Winter Soldier-y over the machine. The toasts popped out after said time, but instead of two perfectly crunchy and yummy toasts, two pieces of black and smoking charcoals jumped out instead.

“Must have put them in for longer, Bucks,” Steve told him, making excuses for the small device even if he knew it was precisely one and a half minute. Bucky counted every second, of that he was sure. But seeing his best friend glare at the poor toaster so fiercely he feared the machine would explode any minute, he just quickly took the ruined bread out and put a new pair in.

Exactly one and a half minute later, history repeated itself and the two slices of bread popped out blacker than the night, the awful smell of burnt pastry now spreading across the common floor’s kitchen.

“Let’s uh…try a shorter time then,” he offered, still trying to save the situation but when even after mere fifteen seconds all the toasts ended up cremated, Steve gave up.

Bucky’s glare intensified with every failed attempt at saving his meal, he even let out a low growl and that’s how Steve knew the machine’s days are numbered.

“It’s probably just… _malfunctioning_ ,” Tony said, appearing in the doorway, cringing at the smell. There was something _odd_ about the way he said that, but Steve couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

Bucky was a different story though. His glare zeroed in on the grinning engineer, the murderous intent quite evident. Before Steve could intervene and stop what he believed would be one angry Winter Soldier jumping one still brightly smiling Iron Man and murdering him right there and then, Bucky grabbed onto the toaster and crushed it to bits in his metal arm, eyes never leaving Tony.

Said engineer’s grin twisted into something Steve didn’t really understand, but as Bucky walked around Tony to leave the premises – bits of the destroyed toaster littering the floor as he went – a dangerous glint appeared in his eyes. A challenge. One that mirrored itself in the retreating assassin’s eyes.

Little did Steve know at the time, that what he witnessed was the beginning of a war.

 

* * *

 

 

The next time Tony emerged from his workshop after a week-long inventing and scheming binge, he barely even greeted Clint and Natasha sitting at the kitchen bar and went straight for the coffee maker. He wasn’t about to let the Winter Menace gain on him in the ongoing war score by foolishly thinking his most prized kitchen device remained untainted by the vengeance thirsty assassin, so he inspected it very carefully before deeming it safe and switching it on.

He smirked triumphantly, when the coffee maker did what was expected – brewed coffee – without any strange occurrence. Clint and Natasha exchanged a questioning look and continued watching him as he victoriously hoisted the finished product, poured himself a healthy large cup of it and joined them at the bar.

“Looks like I’ve overestimated the double ass-in,” he muttered into the cup, somewhat disappointed.

Disappointment turned to horror the moment he took a big gulp of the black liquid – it was coffee, only it’s been apparently mixed with balsamic vinegar. He spat the entire mouthful out, right onto his two very unamused companions.

“You wanna die, Stark?!” Natasha blurted out at him in Russian and he only understood it because that’s what he translated it as after the Winter Wonder growled the same sentence at him two days ago, when he slipped into his military grade boots during a routine assemble, only to find them full of egg yolks. Tony’s glee was short-lived even then, because when _he_ put the helmet on to cover his smirk, he found it filled with lube.

He still didn’t want to speculate on when and how did the Winter Soldier acquire it, because just imagining him waltzing into Wallmart and casually buying a bottle of lube and some pretzels sent his brain on a whole different adventure, one hardly compatible with his battleplan.

Nevertheless, nobody gets away with tainting his sacred coffee! So he sneaked around Natasha and the slightly stunned bird-man and headed straight to the workshop.

It was time to up the game!

 

* * *

 

 

Bucky no longer remembered who started it, let alone why this prank war between him and Stark commenced – other than the fact they were kinda in each other’s hair for quite some time after he moved in, but he would be lying his teeth off if he were to say he didn’t start enjoying this somewhere along the way. The Winter Soldier part of him in fact relished in the schemes and was equally impressed by his pranks as well as Stark’s. So instead of pointlessly wandering around the Tower – which is basically all he had done before the prank war has been declared – trying to figure out what he’s supposed to do with his newly found life, he would now spend his days devising devious pranks, setting them up and then evading, or failing to evade Stark’s own.

And it was _glorious_.

What he was not sure about is if Stark was enjoying this because he still fiercely hated him for what Bucky’s done and for who he was – or – if he was having just as much mischievous fun as him now.

Considering the pranks gradually turned jovial – even flirtatious if Bucky dared say – as opposed to the initial malicious ones, he would like to believe it was a combination of both…leaning toward the second. Hopefully. Maybe.

The real problem wasn’t even Stark. But the other Avengers, unwittingly ending up in the middle of the warzone majority of the times, were beginning to grow tired of the conflict. And their cup of patience was bound to spill over.

He was sitting with Steve, Sam and Natasha in the kitchen – a hot spot for pranking activities, so most avoided it now – when Stark walked in, immediately alerting to Bucky’s presence.

“Please tell me the kitchen’s safe today, man!” Sam pleaded, squinting between him and Stark.

Neither answered, Bucky just shrugged with an innocent ‘You’ll never know’ expression while Tony cautiously made his way to the counter, longingly staring at the coffeemaker.

Since the vinegar incident, Bucky made sure to not temper with it anymore. Of course _on purpose_. Because if Stark spent the past few days thinking it’s _safe_ to operate, then…

Stark made the same assumption as yesterday and clicked the on button without second-guessing the decision. In an instant, the coffeemaker was showering coffee onto everyone in the vicinity – including him.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, dude!” Sam cursed, ducking underneath the table.

“Seriously, Bucks?” Steve whined, not even bothering to hide from the onslaught of the still warm beverage.

Natasha somehow managed to avoid the carnage by teleporting around the doorway, from where she decided to glare at Bucky.

“You do realize, Barnes, that you just got caught in your own set-up?” Stark asked, slowly turning to face the table. He was completely drenched in coffee, but despite his state of undoing he looked as collected as ever.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Stark,” Bucky replied, face falling emotionless.

Stark’s mouth twitched for a second there, but he didn’t break the cold stare. “What I’m talking about is that _you_ are losing a point for this. Sure, you got me, but you got yourself too! Counts as friendly fire in my books.”

“You’re keeping a score?!” Sam all but yelled from under the table.

“FRIDAY is. I’m winning, right?” Tony asked, smiling brightly as if streams of coffee weren’t going down his face.

“Not exactly, boss,” the AI answered carefully.

“Right, I almost forgot!” Stark clasped his hands together and his stare turned into a neutral expression Bucky has learnt to understand as ‘danger ahead’. “You might wanna leave the room now. Gotta clean this mess.”

He wanted Bucky to leave the room, specifically. That much Bucky figured from his daring look. Was there something waiting for him in the common room? Pie to the face? Maybe some beads to slip on and fall? Deciding to humor the engineer, he got up…or _tried_ to get up. “What the…,” he blurted out, looking over his shoulder to see that the chair was very much stuck to his butt.

“ _Now_ you’re winning,” FRIDAY announced after that, clearly counting the extra point for Stark as decisive.

“Yesss,” Stark hopped into the air, flashing up a victorious sign for good measure, not caring one bit for the coffeemaker that was still on rampage behind him. “You uh…seem a bit…stuck in there, Winter Blunder,” he pointed at the chair, not giving way to Bucky’s attempts at unsticking it.

Bucky sent the clearly amused man the deadliest of looks, noticing how Steve tensed up and Natasha procured not one, but two knives.

If Stark wanted to play dirty, he could indulge the man no problem. He was Bucky Winter god damn Soldier Barnes. So he broke his cold stare into a grin that maintained its dangerousness and did what one had to do in his precarious situation.

Unbuckled his belt and undressed from his jeans.

That sure dealt with the chair issue. And effectively wiped that victorious smirk off of Stark’s face. Good thing he wore the ‘Fuck…’ ‘…off’ boxers today – finally an opportunity to wiggle those at the right target presented itself.

“Just letting you know, boss, that I am adding a point to _his_ score for this,” FRIDAY surprisingly took his side, even sounding amused.

“Okay, enough is enough!” Steve smashed a hand against the table and nearly broke it in half, scaring Sam shitless. “You, you,” he pointed at him and Stark separately, then turned to Natasha, “all of you in the common room, now! Call everybody in there, FRIDAY!” he commanded and stormed to the entrance. “Oh and if the two of you have something, _anything_ to confess before we step into the room now’s the time. Because I swear to god if someone trips on more wires or gets superglue and confetti to the face, _again_ , I will seriously hurt somebody,” he warned, face dead serious.

That was one pissed-off Steve Rogers, if Bucky had ever seen one.

Stark cleared his throat, side-stepping around him. “You might _not_ want to sit on the sofa then,” he actually confessed.

With a sigh, Bucky added onto the disclosure. “And avoid the glass doors to the terrace.”

“ _And_ …don’t step on the carpet. Don’t even ask,” Stark added when Bucky frowned at him.

“Riiiight,” Steve took a deep breath. “Is there _any_ room in the Tower other than our private ones that are a hundred percent safe?” he asked patiently.

Bucky exchanged a questioning look with Stark and answered in sync with him. “No.”

“Nope. Well…the roof, maybe?” Stark suggested.

“No.”

“Oh…the workshop then.”

“Definitely not,” Bucky shakes his head.

“You don’t have access in there!”

“Had to get creative,” he explained with a shrug. “The gym looked safe last night.”

“Yeah…so did the coffeemaker,” Stark argued with a suggestive smirk.

“I see. That’s a no to room safety then, Stevie,” Bucky summed it up to one furious looking Captain America.

The Avengers poured into the common room and per Steve’s further directions remained standing in front of the elevator, because everywhere else was a minefield. His words, not Bucky’s.

“Why are you all wet?” Bruce frowned, looking disturbed.

“Forget that but why are you not wearing any pants, dude?” Peter asked with an unreadable expression, pointing out Bucky’s state of undress.

“And why are your butt cheeks telling me to fuck off?” Clint added, covering his eyes with a cringe.

“Long story,” Bucky retorted simply.

“This,” Steve began once he had everyone’s undivided attention, “whatever _this_ is,” he flailed his hand at the two of them, “gotta end. Now.”

“What do you mean?” Stark squinted at the Captain. “There’s no _this_ or _that_. Nothing to end here,” he motions between himself and Bucky.

“He means the prank war, you assholes!” Rhodey explains for the Captain, looking accusingly at his best friend. “You know, the one that started couple of weeks ago and is annoying the hell out of everyone in the Tower?!”

Stark fakes the most offended expression ever. “I would _never_! Me and pranks? No! How dare you… _you traitor_ ,” he mouths at the Patriot.

“He’s right. It was amusing at first I have to admit,” Wanda chuckled at Stark, “especially when you fell asleep in the kitchen and woke up with kiddie stickers of Captain America plastered all over you…but it _is_ getting ridiculous now. We are caught in the crossfire all the time. You want to fight then fight, but leave us out of it!”

“Nobody is fighting anyone…please,” Steve came in after the Avengers erupted in agreeing rumble. “I mean it. This war is over, you two. If you can’t get along and can’t work together then…then don’t. I get it. You don’t like each other, point taken! I hoped…I _wished_ that you would and it’s really sad that you can’t but if that’s how it is then I can’t do anything about it now, can I? Just…keep out of each other’s way, ignore each other, whatever works for you! Just stop this madness…,” he trailed out with a sad sigh and turned to leave.

The Avengers all nodded and hummed in agreement, sending them dirty looks while following Steve out of the common room, leaving the two stunned pranksters alone.

“Woooow,” Stark groaned, throwing his head back. “Just when I thought I’ve had enough of Disappointed Steve to last me a lifetime.”

Bucky sighed, silently agreeing. Did they take it too far? It was just a bit of harmless fun…right? They didn’t mean for the Avengers to be the collateral damage in most of the pranks but what’s the harm in some splashed coffee? Can’t the Avengers take a joke?

“They really can’t take a joke, can they?” Stark unknowingly voiced Bucky’s inner thoughts and at the same time confirmed something for Bucky.

So it was all fun and jokes. Not an ‘I hate you, but I can’t straight up murder you so I’m gonna prank you’ war. Not anymore at least. It was just for good fun now and it was really good, too. They were really good at this and that’s what made it so enjoyable.

That’s where Bucky realized that Steve was wrong. It’s not that they disliked each other…n _ot anymore_. It’s because they found out they actually like each other, with every new elaborate prank. So it dawned on him right there, that they can absolutely fulfill Steve’s wish.

“Hey Stark,” he began, staring at the flustered engineer. “You realize he just wants us to work together, right?”

“Yeah, well. Too bad! He’s a spoilsport! Him and this whole bunch so Capsicle can take his wish and stick it right up his spangled ass!”

“No…what I mean is…he told us to stop _this_ ,” he gestures between them, “prank war thing. He told us to stop _this_ and ignore each other if we can’t work together,” he grinned.

Stark alerted to his suggestive tone and squinted at him. “So?”

“So, Mr. Genius, if Captain America wants us to work together then hell. We can work together…right? If they acted like this with just the two of us throwing pranks _at each other_ …imagine the nightmare we can come up with for them if _we do work together_. _As per Captain’s wish_ ,” he slowly spelled it out for the frowning man, until his confused expression melted into a matching mischievous grin. 

“I see…yeah! Hell yeah, those little uptight bastards…,” he muttered, clearing his throat and looking straight up at Bucky. “Well then Mister Barnes, looks like we are burying the hatchet for the greater good that is mutual teamwork. My genius and your efficiency put together, the Captain is going to wish he had never wished for what he wished for!”

“Serves him right. And it’s _Bucky_ ,” he grinned wider, offering his flash hand to the man.

He shook it despite Bucky fearing he might not. “Tony. Now, let’s destroy those killjoys!”

“Yeah…but first, tell me what you did to that carpet,” he demanded, looking suspiciously at the white fluffy carpet in front of the television he preferred to sit on.

“You tell me how and what you rigged my workshop with and we’ve got a deal.”

“Deal.”

 

* * *

 

 

Steve knew the atmosphere in the Tower would be tense. The so called supersoldier vs. supergenius prank war left the team wondering if now that it’s over they can freely roam the Tower again and hopefully not witness any more disputes between Bucky and Tony. After his intervention he feared their relationship or lack thereof would in fact escalate for the worse.

And oh, he had no idea just how worse it would be.

Just few days later, after everything seemed to have gone back to normal and it was indeed safe to move around and interact with objects inside public rooms again, Steve had learnt the meaning of the phrase ‘be careful what you wish for’. Because if he thought Bucky and Tony not getting along and fighting was his biggest nightmare, they went the extra mile to prove to him that them working together, _as he wished_ , was actually even worse!

Nowhere was safe anymore. Nothing they touched was safe anymore. Their sanity was not safe anymore.

Clint couldn’t even think about slithering through the vents as usual because every day, there was something new waiting to get him in there. Like mouse traps, glue or milk or fifty gallons of lube just sloshing in there…and Steve really didn’t want to think about where they got fifty gallons of lube from. The internet no doubt.

Natasha found her entire wardrobe full of formerly black ninja clothes was filled with pink ones. _Pink_. _Natasha’s_! Pink spandex, pink lacey dresses, pink hair ribbons, pink high-heels, pink _underwear_. She was ready to murder the perpetrators instantly, but found her entire stash of murder knives turned into pink plastic ones, with Hello Kitty stickers on them.

Vision couldn’t move through walls anymore, because the spaces in between were, according to his words, littered with disturbing erotica posters. Wanda couldn’t even round a corner without some ridiculous Halloween decoration jumping out at her, making her shriek in fright _every time_. Peter’s webbing was now regularly changing color, consistency and even smell. Sam couldn’t go for his morning runs because his running shoes were either filled with something or they mysteriously turned into high-heels, no matter where he hid them.

Bruce thought he’d be safe, but no. His clothes just disappeared. All of them. All he was left with were dozens of pairs of Hulk-themed underwear. _Tight_ underwear. He tried buying new clothes, but they would disappear too. And eventually all the nearby storeowners would just present him with Hulk-themed kid clothing, _just for him_.

Rhodey appeared once in the common kitchen, looking blue – actually blue, like his skin was this bright shade of blue – and he just straight up left the Tower. Receiving further reports of him going all kinds of colors and even him with a long blonde hair, leaving clearly didn’t work out for him very much.

Thor…where to even begin with Thor. Who now had short spiky hair and was clean-shaved. And his hammer…oh Mjolnir got some major face-lift. Tony’s words of course, claiming that lift is not worthy of lifting the hammer but his lift is worthy of lifting the hammer’s spirits. It was red and gold now. Which would match Thor’s robes somewhat, if those didn’t mysteriously turn into _Loki’s_.  

And Steve was naturally the pair’s most favorite target, for they never once failed to color all three orange juices in his fridge red, white and blue – so he could have a true, patriotic breakfast every morning, according to Bucky. Speaking of red, white and blue that’s what his room was decorated in, from the walls down to the carpet, the bed and the furniture, the entire bathroom, too! His clothes, his wallet, his hair, his gym, his favorite French croissants – all red, white and blue…and the national anthem was set on his alarm now and it played whenever he entered the common floor. During training, it would instead play ‘’Murica! Fuck yeah!’.

All in all, it took just one week for Steve to wave the white flag of surrender, apologize to team WinterIron – which is what they called themselves now – and yield to their prank mastery. He even told them he was impressed and really happy that they get along…if only they could now show their newly found friendship and teamwork to…their enemies instead maybe? 

Which resulted in HYDRA getting pranked at every opportunity instead of the Avengers. And if Steve began to think his two friends now get along a _little more_ than just friends, he didn’t comment on it.

As if he or anyone else dared to, after all this.   

 

_Fin_


End file.
